


Always

by lemonsorbae



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fallen Castiel, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 18:08:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonsorbae/pseuds/lemonsorbae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel learns the importance of human touch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted from my [tumblr](http://jimmynovakisaved.tumblr.com/post/81176014092/always).

When Cas first falls, and he and Dean become “something more than friends,” the idea of cuddling/being touched is foreign, almost uncomfortable to Castiel.

But every night, after they’ve climbed into bed Dean will wrap his arms around the fallen angel, bury his face in his hair.

"Wanna keep you close," he’ll often mutter tiredly in explanation.

And for awhile, it’s strange being touched this much by another living thing, and it makes Castiel’s skin feel too tight, and his clipped wings restless. It makes him feel guilty for ever leaving Dean at all.

Often times he’ll lay awake for hours after Dean has fallen asleep and contemplate the warmth of Dean’s hand on his stomach, the pressing line of his leg against Castiel’s own. He’ll recognize how smothered he feels and that feeling, the need to fly, to chose will shroud him.

And of course Dean will notice. He’ll catch on to the way Castiel’s form goes stiff every time Dean pulls him close. And so he’ll stop. “If you don’t want me to touch you,” he’ll say, his voice laced with hurt, but also understanding, “then I won’t.”

And Castiel will nod. “I’m sorry,” he’ll say.

But then they’ll climb into bed.

True to his word Dean will stay on his side of the bed, arms curled around a pillow instead of Castiel. And for a minute Castiel will think, “This is nice. I can breathe.” He’ll close his eyes and wait for sleep. But it won’t come. Because Dean is over there and he is over here and he can hear Dean’s breathing, but he can’t feel it against his back and the spots where Dean’s hands usually rest feel cold and it’s wrong. All of it. Wrong.

So he’ll turn on his side, study Dean’s sleeping form.

“Dean,” he’ll say softly.

“Mmmmm?”

And Dean can’t be in too deep of a sleep if he heard that, so Castiel will start again.

“Dean,” he’ll repeat, “I-” another pause because now that he realizes he wants it, he doesn’t know how to ask for it. “I want you to keep me close,” he’ll finally settle on.

And Dean will pause, a few seconds stretching out long and foreboding between them, and Castiel won’t breathe. Because maybe he hurt Dean’s feelings before, when he didn’t understand, maybe Dean won’t want him in this way knowing it’s hard for Castiel, an adjustment. But then Dean will roll over, arms stretched towards Castiel and Castiel will sigh in relief. He’ll allow himself to be pulled close, melt against Dean instead of shying away.

This time it will feel right.

They’ll lay chest to chest, Dean’s arms encircling Castiel, his lips finding a place in Castiel’s hair. And Castiel will relax. He’s here. He wants to be here. Dean wants him here.

And just before Castiel falls asleep he’ll hear it. “Always, Cas,” Dean will mutter with his sleep muddled voice, “always.”


End file.
